I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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