just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
