I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
