Just fell off a train. Bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize