I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize