i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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