Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
