woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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