but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
