would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
