I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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