I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
