I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
