my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
