we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
