so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
