what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
