Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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