you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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