I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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