i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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