I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
