I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
