there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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