im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
