I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
