I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
