this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
