break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
