Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
