I just threw up on my dentist
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
