Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
