hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize