I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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