You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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