dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
