We won't sleep together?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
