The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
