see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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