Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
