We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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