Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
