I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
