I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
