I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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