i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
