Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize