It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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