I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
