that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
