mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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