Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
