i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
only if we run a train.
done.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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