Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
