so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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