Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
