i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
