im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
