Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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