nutella sex= disaster
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize