what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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