I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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