thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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