My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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