Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
