There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
