well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
