Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize