They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Boobs speak an international language.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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