man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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