Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
