I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
