yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
