my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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