I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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