she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
