i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to make out with him forever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
