i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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