Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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