She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize