I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
