Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
