I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
