My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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