I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
