This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
