Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
