allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
