I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize