I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
