Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
