I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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