Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
