So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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