He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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