Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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