After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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