my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
