farters have to be the big spoon...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
