it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
