why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
