my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
